WELL GROOMED, by Peter Scott, a wedding planner for what’s-his-name (and his bride) is a well-intentioned guide for the man who either feigns an interest in the planning of his wedding or finds himself so overwhelmed by this new world of venues, florists, receptions, rehearsals, bridal magazines, guest lists, family squabbles, dear old friends who knew you better than you ever knew them (if you ever knew them at all), that his feet shiver with the cold of an artic snow, while his head is ready to run him in the opposite direction. Is it the nearest chapel of love to be hitched by the local ordained Reverend Elvis, or is just a clear run across the country like Forest Gump running for no reason?  It really doesn’t matter.  WELL GROOMED is the book for the groom who hasn’t a clue.

What anyone will find, when opening the book’s pages, is an outline to wedding plans told with copious doses of humor. Scott covers, from front to back, every conceivable aspect of planning for that big day.  Such was an enlightening read for me – still wrapped in the singles game – as to just how involved the event could become.  It was like a visit to the “Everybody Loves Raymond” world of family dynamics.  Who knew the dynamics involved around a wedding could follow in the same vein?

My only problem with WELL GROOMED came from what I surmised as the perpetual frat-boy mentality which pervaded the sanctity of the event.

From my experience of having been to various peoples’ weddings, and knowing those who are married today, many, in my circle of influence, see marriage as a holy union between two souls bound together already through an inexplicable love.  Everyone I have ever known, both family friends, never saw a need to include liquor in their wedding; and they certainly never lived together prior to the wedding ceremony.  The book seems to infer the opposite as a natural state of things, which begs the question why should anyone make such a big deal of the wedding?

Hence, the offence of WELL GROOMED, in my opinion, comes in allowing some humor to drop into this Howard Stern mentality.  Despite the humorous moments (I do admit there are many funny things to laugh at here), that pervasive element of perverse masculine adolescence went too far in places.

The Neanderthal groom will eat that stuff up like glop pizza served five days stale on his caveman floor.  The man searching for a bit more solemnity in an event that will change his life forever will laugh at the idiocy of the Neanderthal groom and then move on.

Does any of this mean WELL GROOMED is nothing more than a satire on weddings and the subsequent marriage that is to follow?  Not at all.  There is no belittling of the marriage institution.  There is just, in my view, not enough reverence for it – no taking it seriously as something of viable importance.  As I mentioned before, Scott does lay out a good outline for what a wedding can be.  He provides the reader with guidelines, like a roadmap for the groom who is traveling south when he should be traveling north, so the hapless groom won’t feel so over-his-head.  But the substantive nature of the wedding, and the subsequent marriage, is too subdued.  While it should not overshadow the humor (the humor helps to swallow what could throw a groom into a nervous panic), it should also make a stronger appearance.

So, in the final assessment, WELL GROOMED from Peter Scott is a tremendous help those men who may be getting the cold feet due to the overwhelming nature of the wedding plans.  It shows the stupid and dumb things we guys can do; and it says not to worry.  In the end, when it’s all over, as Scott states on the book’s final page, the hassle is all worth it because you are now with the one you love.